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Fic: Dean/Sam 'Serpent Around Your Heart'

Title: Serpent Around Your Heart

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Sam/Dean

Rating: NC17

Word count: 1500

Content notes: Dub-con, blowjobs, brothers, non-arousal, incest

Summary: Trust once lost is not easily regained, but Dean will give Sam everything else he has, even when Sam asks for the unthinkable. Season 5


I wrote this a few years back, ended up very ill soon after and forgot about it until I found it last night. Apologies for any mistakes.


Sam's tears are wet against his face and Sam's breath is hot on his neck as he fists his hands in Dean's shirt. He’s mumbling, low sounds that Dean can’t quite catch, and he doesn’t want to because all it is is a litany of past sins and betrayals and they'd hurt enough the first time round. But Sam needs to say the words, even if Dean refuses to listen, and it’s easier for Sam to regress back to childhood and gasp out through tears into a Black Sabbath t-shirt everything that’s gone wrong. Dean is torn. Sam is hurting, and while part of him is numb because sorry doesn't fix things, doesn't glue the world back together and make it whole, the rest of him responds with a frightening ferocity of feeling because this is Sam, his brother, and Dean can't stand to see him hurt, can't stand to see him break and shatter. And it doesn't matter what Sam has done, because whatever it is, it can't be mended, he might not be able to put Sam back together again, a task that all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn't do, but that Dean Winchester will always try - will always kneel and scoop up the pieces and cradle them.

And Sam still reeks of whisky, and sweat, and tears, but the gasps are dying down, and the hands are relaxing in his shirt, and Sam is leaning against him and his breathing is still unsteady and his eyes are wild. Dean's back is propped against the wall as he sits on the bed, and then Sam is there, clumsily mouthing kisses across his neck, and catching his jawline and Dean is filled with a kind of dull sick horror, because this is wrong. This isn't a shade of grey, this is black and white, and he doesn't want it, doesn't want this; Sam is his brother, and even the thought of that is enough to quell the slightest hint of desire. It's been too long he knows, perhaps for them both, but even so his hands are heavy and lifeless as he reaches to push Sam away, because Sam isn't hard either and what the fuck is he doing with his hand in Dean's lap and his mouth on Dean’s? He's had men but this is different. This is sick and twisted, and it's with a shock of horror that he hears Sam's words.


They're broken and caught, and make something inside him wrench with a twisted pain. "Trust me." He wants to lie, and tell Sam he trusts him fully, but he can't find either the heart for the lie or the force for the truth, and doesn't even know anymore which one is what Sam needs. Just knows he needs something. Needs Dean again, needs what they had, and with a writhing horror in his belly Dean follows the thought to its logical conclusion through the haze of alcohol in his mind, a drunken string of clear truth, and realises that Sam needs the strength to fight off Lucifer and the only place he can find it is Dean. The only person who can still hope for him, the only person who has and would kill and die for him. Sam's already proved he doesn't care about the world, but care for Dean? That he does, or at least so Dean hopes, even if he doesn't quite believe it. The thud of inevitability sinks into him, and if he can't reassure Sam with his voice, then this will have to do.

He opens up to Sam, lets Sam kiss him, and then takes control and kisses him back, and Sam sinks like a stone to the bed as though this is what he needs, and still neither of them are hard. Even though Dean's eyes are closed he can still smell Sam, smell his aftershave, his laundry powder and the subtle note of his skin under the sweat and scotch, and he has no doubt that Sam can smell Dean as well. It doesn't say sex, it says family. Grimly, he tells himself that if he is going to do this, he's going to do it right, and kisses Sam properly, sucking gently at his bottom lip, sliding his tongue in again, kissing like he fucks: hard, deep, and slow. He can feel the first shivers of arousal, because this might be his brother, but it's still a kiss; still contact and closeness and warmth, and he's always got handsy after a few drinks. Sam is getting hard, and given how much he's drunk that's a miracle in itself.

He knows what Sammy wants, and he tries his hardest, sinking into the kiss, bringing every memory he can up, and incredibly it doesn't take much until he's hard as well. Sam shivers bone-deep, and unzips his pants and pulls down his boxers, and without hesitation sucks Dean in. Dean knows without asking, in the way he knows so many things about Sam, that this is the first time Sam has done this. He can tell from the messy inexperience, the saliva and the choking, and it'd be hard to come from a blowjob this bad even if it wasn't being given by his brother. He wants more than anything to push Sam off, to wipe his mouth for him and stick him in his own bed, but it's too late now. This is Sam's decision, the consequence of him making his own choices, and because Dean loves him too much, he'll let him.


And then that Stanford-grade mind of Sam's kicks in and he pulls back and starts again as though obeying some biological instinct, and Dean hisses and folds his hand over his eyes, because if he can't see Sam, it won't feel so bad that it feels so good. Now he can't see or smell him, and the curious mouth licking the head of his cock, then swallowing it bit by bit could be anyone, could be Cassie, or Liz, or Aaron or any one of the nameless, faceless blowjobs he's had over the years. Sam's mouth speeds up, rational thought is slipping out of Dean's mind, and he can feel dimly that one hand is now in Sam's hair gripping it tight, though the other still covers his eyes. It feels good, far too good and he is losing control in a way he shouldn't, hips bucking towards Sam, slamming into him, and it doesn't help that Sam is going with it, stretching, accommodating. And every thought he's built up as a barrier is disappearing, his world is melting around him until all there is his body and Sam. He tells himself brutally that as long as he doesn't look he'll be fine, but even that thought is escaping and now his other hand is no longer over his eyes, but digging into sheets, and he has opened his eyes. His orgasm hits suddenly, like a tidal wave without warning.

He breathes deeply, knowing the glow won't last long, and sits up and tugs Sam towards him while he still has his nerve. He worms his hand inside Sam’s waistband and tugs down jeans and underwear enough to free his cock, which is still surprisingly half-hard. This is easier than the blowjob, easier because it's always come more naturally to Dean to give others pleasure, and in some ways it's like jerking himself off only the mirror opposite. Sam's face is against his and he's breathing out small moans as Dean fondles his cock and then launches into fast strokes up and down, until Sam is straining towards him, as though reaching for something impossible. Sam comes fast and hard and inarticulately, spattering his hand with come. It's the work of a moment to pad to the bathroom and wash it off. The work of a moment to avoid meeting his own eyes in the mirror lest the shame and the horror of it should cause him to start screaming. When he gets back Sam is almost asleep, and Dean doesn't undress him; just rolls him gently under the covers, and Sam's eyes flicker open and catch his own. The grief and sorrow in them is written in stone like it can never be erased, and so is the love and the need. Dean closes his eyes, and slowly presses his mouth to Sam's for a brief, brief moment, tries not to think about what he's doing. The words of trust still can't be spoken, but more truthful, less powerful words can.

"Whatever you've done, God help me, I still love you." It's the first time he's ever said it out loud, stark and truthful and so fucked up he wants to vomit down himself, spit the words up and out.

Then he's in his own bed, fully dressed with his cock still sticky and slightly damp, and the shame coils thick and slick first in his stomach, then like a serpent round his heart slowly constricting it, and his dreams are full of horror.



                                                                                              ______________


Regardless of when you're reading this, feedback/crit always appreciated.

Comments

( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
jasmineisland
Sep. 26th, 2012 05:36 pm (UTC)
Just made me want to hide in the corner and whimper. Poor Dean, just giving what he knows Sam needs. Poor Sam, when he sobers up and realizes what he's done to his brother.
"Whatever you've done, God help me, I still love you."
That line freakin' broke me.
stripytights
Sep. 27th, 2012 09:12 am (UTC)
Thank you very much! I can imagine that there is very little Dean wouldn't do for Sam, and that when Sam sobers up he'll remember that, and any progress will be null and void :(

*puts you back together*
ash_carpenter
Sep. 26th, 2012 09:24 pm (UTC)
I'm intrigued by stories where one or both of them isn't really into it (sexually speaking) but they give everything of themselves because they love the other person so very much. This is intense and beautiful and awful.
stripytights
Sep. 27th, 2012 09:13 am (UTC)
That's lovely of you to say, thank you! I too am intrigued by stories where one of them isn't into it sexually, but can dredge up just enough so they don't leave the other one alone in what they're feeling, so I'm really glad that came across!
sammichgirl
Sep. 27th, 2012 12:46 am (UTC)
Dear Chuck, this was vivid, intense, horribly beautiful.

Dean has proven time and time again he will do anything for Sam, that love is not only unconditional, it is irrational.

Sam, what a broken man. We always see Dean as the broken one, but Sam is just as much, if not more.
stripytights
Sep. 27th, 2012 09:15 am (UTC)
I've always thought of the pair of them as being very much broken in different and in similar ways, so writing Sam as the one letting go felt pretty natural. Very glad it felt right to you, and thank you very much for commenting!
novella34
Sep. 27th, 2012 01:00 am (UTC)
Oh fucking hell, this just hurts to read. You succeeded where I've seen many people fair miserably; you managed to capture Dean's complete loss of faith in his brother. He's reached the point of total hopelessness but will still go through the motions because he'll never turn his back on Sam completely. Yay you!
stripytights
Sep. 27th, 2012 09:24 am (UTC)
What a lovely comment to wake up to, thank you! I'm glad the hopelessness came through, as well as the love. There are so many fantastic stories in this fandom, I wasn't sure how this would measure up!
runedgirl
Sep. 27th, 2012 02:57 am (UTC)
That was painful, hard to read, and yet Dean's one bit of dialogue rings so completely and utterly true, and tempers the hollowness of the rest. Well done.
stripytights
Sep. 27th, 2012 09:27 am (UTC)
Thank you! It sounds bad to say I'm glad it was painful, but you know what I mean.
livejournal
Sep. 27th, 2012 06:13 am (UTC)
Edition 2,345
User waterofthemoon referenced to your post from Edition 2,345 saying: [...] by (NC-17) Serpent Round Your Heart [...]
fanspired
Sep. 27th, 2012 06:42 am (UTC)
Serpent
Powerful, and so sad.
stripytights
Sep. 27th, 2012 09:28 am (UTC)
Re: Serpent
Thank you kindly, very glad you enjoyed.
melacreature
Sep. 27th, 2012 07:22 pm (UTC)
What a mess. And both boys, tangled and troubled, can only ever make it worse before they try to make it better. IS it wrong to love someone so much that they become all things? Maybe. I don't know, I've never had a reason to find out. But the boys have, and your fic feels so realistic to me, it almost has me wishing for Castiel to barge in and call a time-out. I don't know what else to say, except how much I truly hurt for them and deeply enjoyed this story. Thank you for sharing it with us all.
stripytights
Sep. 29th, 2012 02:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much, I'm glad it made such an impact and that you enjoyed the story, I've always believed that Dean and Sam would cross any boundaries to offer comfort. Thanks for commenting :)
deansdirtybb
Sep. 29th, 2012 11:52 am (UTC)
Hauntingly, achingly, beautiful. Really, just so very well done.
stripytights
Sep. 29th, 2012 02:16 pm (UTC)
Cheers, much appreciated. I am really glad you enjoyed it.
(Deleted comment)
stripytights
Sep. 30th, 2012 10:33 am (UTC)
Thank you so much, this made me so happy to read. I'm especially glad you felt it was more about the mindfuck than the sexuality, what's creepier for Dean than Sam doing that, is the fact that he's letting Sam do it. Broken was exactly the feel I was going for. Thanks again!
livejournal
Oct. 2nd, 2012 02:12 am (UTC)
OTP Weekly Recap: 10/01/2012: Edition #72
User lavishsqualor referenced to your post from OTP Weekly Recap: 10/01/2012: Edition #72 saying: [...] by Serpent Round Your Heart [...]
locknkey
Jan. 22nd, 2013 11:45 pm (UTC)
This is really powerful, but hard emotionally to take. :)
stripytights
Jan. 23rd, 2013 04:20 pm (UTC)
Thanks v much for commenting, and I'm glad you liked it!
badbastion
Feb. 5th, 2013 01:17 pm (UTC)
Did I tell you how much I enjoyed this? No? I've been forgetting to do that /o\ I enjoyed reading it! But man, this one was dark, and made me tense up through the whole thing. I was grieving for them both in this.
stripytights
Feb. 6th, 2013 01:05 am (UTC)
That's very kind of you to say! I'm really glad it made an impression, if not a happy one. Thanks again for doing the podfic, I think you did an amazing job, and that the story actually came across better.
meus_venator
Jun. 1st, 2014 04:24 pm (UTC)
Oh what an intense little slice. I love desperate needy Sam and Dean, the nurturer, fixing everything. I think my favourite line is:
And then that Stanford-grade mind of Sam's kicks in and he pulls back and starts again
Even mid orgasm, Sam is thinking it through. Well done!
stripytights
Jun. 1st, 2014 04:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you <3 and I would bet a large sum of money that Sam's mind stays online during sex and even while drunkenly giving a blowjob neither of them wants.
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )

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